Unused Titles for Motivational Speaking Tapes-- FREE GIVEAWAY

Tonight I spent some time making a tape for an extended car ride I plan on taking instead of going out (trend emerging?) I taped over what I'm guessing was a motivational tape with financial improvements being the main focus called Stalking Your Goals by Zig Ziglar. I was inspired to write some titles in the same style. They are categorized by motivational effectiveness where GOOD means aggressive and BAD means anything else.

GOOD
Attacking Your Goals
Viciously Mauling Your Goals
Sneaking Up On and Ambushing Your Goals
Gaining A Stranglehold on Your Goals
Kidnapping Your Goals and Holding Them For Ransom
Tapping Your Goals' Phone
Breathing Down The Necks of Your Goals
Making Harsh Accusations Towards Your Goals
Holding Your Goal's Face Just Inches From a Pile of Dog Shit While Calling It A Fag


BAD
Gently Nibbling On The End of Your Goals
Coyly Flirting With Your Goals
Savoring Your Goals
Do It Tomorrow: Thinking About Making A List of Your Goals
Enrobe Your Goals in Luscious Milk Chocolate
Wear Your Goals On Your Sleeve
Winking From Across the Bar at Your Goals
Remembering Dreams You Had About Your Goals
Leaving Your Goals Notes Around The House
Sexual Astrology of Your Goals
Aiming Low: Goal Diminishment
Your Husband's Goals and How You Can Help Him Achieve Them

summer of?

Age ten early summer vh1 on the tube in the den sea monkeys half-glowing in their specialized aquarium underneath the green shade of the office lamp (the kind bookkeepers and card players used in movies from and about the 1940s) varying itchy shades of tan upholstery scratching bare legs on the couch eating ice cream sandwiches (the neopolitan kind, chocolate part eaten first to get it out of the way, strawberry best for last) drawing in a mead notebook with a sticker of a bear wearing braces on the front. What was I even doing then and why did I have to perform that ritual there nightly? It seemed so beautiful and rapturous, like once I found something in that combination of objects, sounds and circumstances and if I did it over and over I could unlock it again and slip inside. I was acutely aware of childhood's impending end but also aware of lingering childhood. I occupied a liminal space throttling the gulf between and it was nostalgia and hope for the future mixed.

I've tried to write about being ten that summer at so many different stages of my life, with fluctuating degrees of understanding, never fully achieving the desired results-- to feel that way again.

August 13, 2009

Valentine Options

Option 1: Go out dancing; it's the weekly funk night all your friends love!

Option 2: Stay home and draft end times manifesto in huge sprawling print until all wits are lost, most of the pages just say "MY VAIN GLORY" on them and are soaked at the corners with saliva, then gripping them in hot fists and flying down the street until falling down at the feet of a middle aged woman walking a pug hybrid. I view her unflappable serenity as proof that she will soon be diefied, so I sputter "Please! The answers!" as fluid oozes from all my facial orifices.

I've put on my dancing shoes but my plans are still very much up in the air.

2/18/10 edit:
totally did both.

Pure Emotion Translated Through Technology/ Check Out This Animation

Long before my unwavering devotion was ever legitimized by actual dating, I created this tumblr as a frenetic ADHD internet love poem to my boyfriend. My love for him is best characterized as adolescentobsessional, allowing me to sustain that early creepiness many months into a real relationship, propelling me past the laundry, dishes and dollars follies into which so many romantic feelings become mired . He is a partner/friend and also a celestial visitation that materialized in my realm after wishing him into existence some days after I was born and every day since then. I've been reluctant to make this post because it lays bare some serious vulnerability-- celestial visitations are typically fleeting-- and I feared setting myself up to someday write an unreadable entry on profound loss. I'm throwing caution to the flatulent wind and celebrating love-feelings on this pre-formatted web template! My first (and last) sentence was originally going to be, "Check out this sweet cartoon my boyfriend is working on!" but something else came out instead. Woops! Enjoy...