The Call of Nature and The Call to Serve

Back in 2005 I needed badly to use a restroom on a day trip to San Francisco. Naive as I was, I thought nothing of using one of those cylindrical, self-cleaning public pay toilets downtown. Upon inserting my quarter, such unspeakable horrors of humanity greeted my stunned senses that I ran out, unrelieved, and refused to even speak of what I saw for years afterwards. Let's just say the self-cleaning mechanism malfunctioned and either one person or many people and one blind, violently ill bear retaliated by leaving steaming mounds of liquefied fecal matter in all kinds of places in addition to the overflowing toilet, and that's the least troubling thing I noticed.

More recently, a lengthy battle with moderate constipation (and an unhealthy desire to talk about it constantly to whoever will listen) made finding comfortable public places to poop an issue of utmost importance (and a refreshingly frank icebreaker!)

With these distressing incidences now behind me, I want to unveil my latest (only known recorded) effort at helping my fellow man: a google map of places in San Francisco with comfortable public restrooms, conducive to "letting it rip." Consider this an open call for all you folks who are familiar with the area to contribute your favorite places to the map. Maybe if people had better knowledge of the adequate restrooms available, they'd be less inclined to defecate on every square inch of sidewalk in my neighborhood. Wishful thinking?

Little Cable Cars Or Whatever

Have you ever run away from your old life in pursuit of something more satisfying, only to find that your new life is comprised totally of sleeping in uncomfortable places, trying to dodge disgusting blobs of god knows what on every conceivable surface, and trying to arrange free rides back to where you used to live... or free rides in general?

I am trying to learn to like San Francisco, because I live there now. It has been difficult, as it feels like I've arrived here less by choice and more because it was the only thing available. Also, everyone is either a really hot young woman or a sinister troll covered in boils, and I can't tell which is more personally threatening to my sense of security. Perhaps eventually I'll see the avoidance of human fecal matter every three feet on the sidewalk as a fun strategy game, and remember the romantic regard in which I held San Francisco for years before I knew how gross it is.

I plan to make future posts citing examples of ways I've learned to like it here. So far, I really like Philz Coffee, as it was instrumental in ending that month long bout of constipation that many of you know of via facebook. Stay tuned for more poor taste and big city adventures!